Santa Baby
by lady-ribbon
Summary: "It's a gift for both of us!" Ivan said, eager to show he had included both in them ever so thoughtfully in his gift idea. Oh Ivan...When will you learn? Christmas CRACK. Ivan/Yao.


**A/N – **_I went Christmas shopping at the mall yesterday, and I was passing the lingerie section when I overheard this women say jokingly to her friend as they walked by me, " I wish my husband would buy me one of those nighties…A skimpy, red one especially."_ And well…This is the result. Oh, my fangirl mind and me…

**Santa Baby**

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The Christmas tree in their living room glittered beautifully under the many glass balls, and pretty bead-chains Yao had so painstakingly spent so many hours on. Ivan smiled to himself when he pictured Yao standing on his tiptoes, struggling to reach the higher branches of the tree, yet refusing to get out a step-stool, or ask for Ivan's help. In the end though, he had to give in and let Ivan place the sparkling gold star at the very top of the tree. (Which tilted dangerously forward due to Ivan's…Not so artistic vision.)

What excited Ivan the most though, was not the delicious smells coming from the kitchen, nor the tempting array of funnily shaped parcels wrapped in festive wrapping paper under the tree. What excited Ivan the most was the box in his hands. He had been searching for weeks on what to get Yao; searching through over-full malls, and crammed stores, boutiques, and Best-Buys. He had almost given up when, just three days ago, he had gone to a _very_ nice store in the mall, and saw something very…_Nice_ hanging in the window display.

Ivan knew he had struck gold.

The nice older sales-woman had gift-wrapped his lovely gift expertly in red and gold wrapping paper and a nice floppy bow (Ivan made sure to get the bow; it would look nice in Yao's hair…And it would also be very useful for…Other activities.)

Bring his fond musings to an end, he quickly placed the gift under the tree, and sat waiting on the old sofa for Yao to come out of the kitchen. Ivan smiled giddily when he saw Yao remove his apron and _"aru"_ delightedly when he saw how nice and sparkly everything looked. Ivan shifted impatiently in his seat when he saw Yao make some few, last minute, fussy adjustments to some ornaments and presents here and there.

"Yao~," Ivan whined, "Can't we open presents now da?" He couldn't wait to see Yao's reaction.

Yao sighed and rolled his eyes, but hid a smile and said, "We'll open the gifts after we take a few pictures aru!" Ivan groaned; he was sure when their guests came over later, there would be many, many pictures taken…Curse Kiku and his camera obsession.

But whatever…The faster they got the pictures taken, the faster Yao could open his present.

Ten minutes passed by which involved camera glare, funny poses, reindeer ears, and one blurred picture where Yao had accidently knocked the camera down when Ivan had groped his bottom out of the blue.

But _finally…_

"Merry Christmas Ivan." Yao said sweetly, blushing slightly as he handed Ivan a large box wrapped in violently purple and lilac wrapping paper.

Ivan giggled creepily and leaned down to kiss Yao before unwrapping his gift so hastily that the paper was completely shredded.

"Oooooo!" Ivan said excitedly as he opened a collector's edition of flavored vodka that no doubt cost a pretty penny. "Thank you Yao~ I really like it!" Ivan kol'd happily much to Yao's discomfort, and the poor man began to wonder if it was a mistake buying Ivan the vodka. After all, the more he drank, the more…_Personal_ he tended to become.

Brushing away scary thoughts, Yao leaned down and reached under the tree for a forgotten box that had been pushed to the side in the flurry for gift-grabbing. "What's this?" Yao questioned out loud, missing the evil glint in Ivan's eyes. He had purposely pushed it far under the tree there so that it would be the last gift to find and open up.

"That's for you Yao!" Ivan said, scooting closer to Yao on the sofa to prepare for some close contact.

"Thank you Ivan aru!" Yao said excitedly as he leaned down to unwrap his gift. "And so nicely wrapped too!"

Ivan sat there beside him, licking his lips as he watch Yao slowly pull away the tissue paper that lined the inside of the box and pull out…

"W-What's this Ivan?" Yao said, not fully seeing – or rather, recognizing - the object in his hands.

Ivan let out a few random kolkolkol's and gently helped Yao to pull apart the lacy material. Seeing Yao's gaze become rather blank, Ivan swelled up happily inside; he didn't know Yao would love his gift this much!

"Well Yao~? Don't you love it!" Ivan asked eagerly, turning around to face him.

Yao couldn't speak. He couldn't believe what Ivan had got him.

In his hands was a small, lacy, Santa styled baby-doll nightdress. It was a see-through red that gave a complete outline of a person's body and left nothing to the imagination. The dress itself was incredibly tiny, and would barely cover a person's bottom; it was edged in pure white fur at the top and bottom, giving it a festive feeling. Included with it was a pair of red fish-net thigh-highs, a black ribbon choker, and (Yao actually closed his burning eyes after viewing it) a lacy red, fur lined _thong_.

Oh, and there was a cute little Santa hat to complete the image.

"…Yao~?" Ivan said uncertainly in the background. Yao couldn't hear him properly for the ringing in his ears.

"…W-What is this Ivan?" Yao whispered, in a voice very unlike his own. Ivan, busy running his hands over the outfit, failed to notice the change.

"It's a gift for both of us!" Ivan said happily, eager to show he had included both in them ever so thoughtfully in his gift idea. "You see, Yao, I thought his gift would benefit the both of us. Not only when it make you look even more beautiful, it'll make _me_ really happy when I see you wearing this dress and everything else when I fuc-"

Ivan didn't get any further than that for at that moment Yao let out a furious scream of _"aiyahhh!" _and jumped on him, whacking every inch of Ivan he could find. And it was a lot, considering Ivan's lofty height which did nothing for him at the moment.

_"__This. Is. So. Sick. And. Wrong. What. Is. Wrong. With. You. "_Yao said, whacking Ivan with every word. Ivan yelped and tried to block himself; he couldn't understand for the love of him _why_ Yao had become so _mad._

"Does Yao-Yao not like it?" Ivan asked anxiously in-between whacks. Yao let out a vehement hiss, and screamed so loudly that Kiku could hear him over his Ninjas vs. Pirates T.V marathon in the apartment next door, _"YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PERVERT IVAN BRAGINSKI!"_

The sound echoed through the house, and Ivan sat there under Yao's slight weight.

_Oh_.

So _that's_ how he wanted it huh…?

With a sudden lewd smirk, and a gleam of something deadly in his purple eyes, Ivan switched their positions, so that Yao was the one beneath him, pressed into the sofa. Bending down, so that his hot breath tickled Yao's ear, Ivan whispered huskily, "Let's see if the outfit fits you _Jao_."

And he proceeded to rip Yao's clothes off.

. . .

When the guests all gathered in their house later that night, it was little Feliciano who asked innocently, in front of everyone at the dining table, " Why are you limping so badly Yao?"

Ivan kol'd.

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_~Merry Christmas everyone.  
_


End file.
